For example, she says, if you're out to dinner with your friends and your partner keeps texting "Where are you? Who are you with? Send me a picture so I can see where you are," that's definitely controlling. Picking fights—seemingly out of nowhere—can also be a control tactic because to a controlling person, "negative attention is better than no attention," Richmond says.
This is especially true if they pick fights while you're out without them. Financial control is very real, and one of the quickest ways a controlling person can make someone dependent on them. If someone is actively seeking to isolate you from friends and family, that's a surefire sign they want to control you, Richmond notes. Not only does this limit your support system, but it reinforces your dependence on the controlling person, similar to when they control spending.
It comes down to limiting the resources you have so you have to rely on them. Guilt-tripping can look like a lot of things, such as making you feel guilty for not having sex , for not spending enough time with them, or for wanting more alone time, Richmond says: "'You don't find me sexy anymore' turns into 'I guess you don't love me'—which is sexual coercion. Over time, this can lead someone to doubt or at least deprioritize their own needs. Richmond says the insecurity that drives controlling behavior can cross over into the bedroom.
One example, she says, can be if a partner doesn't want to use sex toys as a couple. Gaslighting , or making someone question their own experience by denying or deflecting, is another way a controlling person will try to manipulate another. Another control tactic some people will use is doing nice things for others but only so those people are indebted to them, Richmond notes.
This is common in one-sided friendships , where the friend only does things for their own gain, but it can certainly happen in romantic relationships, too.
Once the good deed is done, this person may repeatedly bring it up, remind you that you "owe them," and let it hang over your head. Jealous behavior can range from harmless to extreme, but according to Richmond, when you approach the extreme end, that's when things begin to get controlling. Perhaps your partner doesn't like you hanging out with friends of a specific gender or posting pictures of yourself online.
This lack of trust triggers their insecurities and makes their need to control you even greater. Research has also shown excessive jealousy is often linked to narcissism —which brings us to our next point. She explains that because narcissists are continually disappointed with the imperfect way life unfolds, they try to control it as much as possible. Check out our guide to spotting a narcissist for more information.
For example, a controlling parent may withhold love as a control tactic. How you deal with a controlling person depends on the relationship dynamic. Here's how to handle controlling behavior from a few of the most common perpetrators:.
In a controlling relationship, the big question is whether to stay or leave. If you've realized you're in a controlling relationship that's abusive, reach out for help immediately. You can call, chat, or text this hotline for support. If there isn't abuse and you believe your partner is open to adjusting their behavior, Richmond says the first step is to open up a conversation about what's going on. If it happened once, it was probably for a reason, and the person will probably want to use you again.
When these more subtle signs become constant, and repetitive, or form a pattern, then it is high time to take action — either by speaking up , setting boundaries , distancing yourself through techniques like grey rocking , or exiting the relationship.
There are various reasons why some people try to control others, and sometimes these are difficult to figure out. None of these have to do with you, the victim of inappropriate control.
But if you want to preserve a relationship with someone who controls you, consider whether they might be able to work on any of the above influences. Some controlling behaviors can be recognized easily while others take time to manifest. When the following examples below become repetitive and form into a habit — it has become a controlling relationship.
Psychological manipulation is a broad spectrum of mental and emotional abuse , and its damaging effects can be long lasting. Well, this may be how it all starts, as somewhat of a joke between two people. Psychological manipulation can show as one or many of but not limited to the following:. Often, the person being controlled will turn a blind eye or not acknowledge controlling behaviors.
But in the case of physical abuse, the control may have started without your realizing it — as the other person just crossing a number of subtle fine lines. Getting beaten up is not the only form of physical abuse, even though it is the most common.
Physical control can also look like restrictions on travel, the clothes you wear, or who you see. Cindy Lamothe is a freelance journalist based in Guatemala. She writes often about the intersections between health, wellness, and the science of human behavior. Find her at cindylamothe. Dealing with toxic people can take a toll on your well-being. Learn how to different scenarios while protecting yourself. The idea of toxic relationships gets thrown around a lot, but what actually makes a relationship toxic?
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Emotional abuse in an intimate relationship often predicts physical abuse. Signs that a relationship has become dangerous include :. Helplines, support groups, therapists, counselors, and a range of other resources are available to ensure that a person can leave a situation safely and recover. To a degree, everyone wants to control what happens to them.
If a relationship is unhealthy but not abusive, it may be possible for a controlling person to work on changing their behavior. However, coercive control can escalate to physical violence. It is important for people who live with a controlling or abusive person to have a plan to protect themselves so that they can leave the situation safely and recover.
Coercive control is a pattern of controlling and manipulative behaviors within a relationship. Learn the signs, dangers, and how to get help here. Some signs of emotional abuse include controlling, shaming, blaming, and purposely humiliating another person.
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Medical News Today have compiled five tips backed by specialists and research to help…. How to deal with controlling people.
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