It takes a lot of pressure off of him and will instantly make him more comfortable with you. One of the keys to not coming off as desperate is making it clear that you have a great life that doesn't revolve around him. While most of the time, texting him first is a great idea, there are certain times when it should absolutely be avoided.
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash. In most situations, sending the first text is totally fine, but there are a few times you should avoid it. Most of the advice above applies to social media as well, but here are a few extra examples of when and when not to message him first via Instagram, Snapchat, or any other platform you two use. You have nothing to recommend because you've been too busy peeping his accounts to do anything else. Though it can be tempting to play the waiting game—he waited three hours to respond, so I will too—it's not going to help either of you in the long run.
Photo by Nadine Shaabana on Unsplash. Common online and in-person advice encourages women to be kind of passive when it comes to the "texting game. Another bit of prevalent and inane advice recommends waiting before responding to texts. Just because he didn't text you back for a few hours doesn't mean you need to wait for the same amount of time before you respond. Well, guess what? The advice for guys is the same! Go online and have a look around for dating advice geared toward males.
Men are encouraged just as much as women to feign disinterest and wait until the other party "chases" them. We've turned into a society of people who are too afraid to show interest in each other. Both men and women might think that they're "playing the game," but this is what's really happening:.
Her: Oh my gosh, I really like him, but I don't want to seem like I like him too much. It'll make me look bad, like I'm less of a prize. It'll make him think that other men aren't competing for my attention and that I'm desperate for him. This will make him not respect me. Let me just wait by the phone and pretend I'm only casually interested. Him: Hm, she seemed really interesting and I'm really attracted to her, but I don't want to seem like I'm one of those guys who doesn't have other girls lined up.
Women like it when guys act aloof, right? Let me wait by the phone and see if she gets back to me first. And this is how two people who like each other hide their real feelings instead of being upfront. Why do people feel the intense need to hide these positive feelings, though? What's with the paranoia about seeming "too desperate"? One word: ego. A human being will use any excuse to protect his or her ego from social annihilation. You can rationalize it all you want, but at the end of the day, you are afraid of rejection.
You don't want to look bad. You don't want to seem like you don't have other options. You don't want to build the other person up too much by admitting that you like them. You want the other person to view you in a certain light more than you want an honest connection. Now, is there such a thing as coming on too strong? Of course! There are legitimately creepy things that you can do to seem genuinely desperate—but texting a guy first is not one of them.
All you're doing is sending a text message. It's not like you're climbing into his window in the middle of the night depositing rose petals all over his bed while he's sleeping. As long as you're not doing anything weird like that, there are plenty of great reasons why you should text him first. I wouldn't think texting would be a bother, since he can just answer when he wants, right? Probably you can just avoid calling him or showing up all of a sudden without texting him first to confirm a specific time.
I usually text first then he takes like 2 hours to text me back! Women will never be equal to men in the dating world until they stop worrying about what men think.
The only other advice I give to people is don't become overly emotionally invested after a single date. One of the reasons why people are so hung up on terms like "ghosting", "benching", and "breadcrumbing" is because they emotionally invest in people too quickly.
Both mentally and emotionally. Let me explain. Yet others will tell you that you should under no circumstances ever send him the first text. However, I believe the best answer to this question starts with you.
Or to fill some kind of void in your life. Yes lovely lady, we are living in modern times. But there are still some guidelines and golden rules of thumb that stand the test of time. This can be a flirty look across a crowded room, a first message online or starting up a conversation with him. It could even be you giving him your phone number. And then the ball is in his court. So why not give him the space to do so! This is not about playing silly mind games.
That said if you truly feel super confident and have no, I mean absolutely zero expectations, for the outcome of the text? Then yes, by all means feel free to send him a message. But a word of warning. Most men will likely respond to your text.
As it takes very little effort and investment for them to do so. The truth is men value what they put work into. The answer to whether you should text him after the first date depends on what actions you took while on the date. Generally I recommend showing sincere appreciation to the guy at least twice while on your date. This looks like, once while in the middle of the date. Then again at the end. Then leaving it at that. No follow up text at all. However, if you forgot to thank him on the date.
Or if you just genuinely want him to let him know that you had a great time. Then yes go ahead and text him first after your date. Then the ball is in his court, and its up to him to respond. Are you trying to connect in the present moment? Or for another reason, like trying move the relationship forward?
If the relationship is new, most women I speak with want the man to show his interest and pursue them. If its a yes, then go for it! However if your sending for another reason. Which is to have him step up for you. People get busy, they have lives. You should have a life too. I don't buy that one bit. Being feminine isn't about being passive. It's not about being subjected to the mercy and whims of life. Being feminine is about being receptive. You can be completely receptive and open while still taking action — and that includes calling or sending a quick text.
It's all in how you do it. Are you calling from a place of neediness see the previous point? Are you calling him with a hidden agenda? Are you calling him to ask him out? Taking the passive approach in life isn't usually a good strategy in general. You wouldn't expect that being passive with your career or your health would help you get your next promotion or the healthy body that you want, so why would taking a passive approach at dating lead you anywhere better?
The truth is that when you take a passive approach, you generally end up wherever the currents of circumstance take you — and that usually tends to be mediocrity.
But if you're not satisfied with having a mediocre relationship or love life, then I'd strongly suggest you take a bit more of an active approach in general. These might seem like no-brainers, but some women might still want to text a guy first even under these circumstances. Clay Andrews has been helping people love, heal, and find the happy ending to their love stories even after devastating heartbreak since
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